This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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