I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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