I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize