I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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