Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
