So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
