What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
