if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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