Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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