so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
