come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
