Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
