I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
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