textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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