I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
