Whod you bang
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
