I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
