I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
