I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
