he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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