That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
