yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
