i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
