sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
