I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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