i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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