Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
