It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
