Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
