got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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