just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
