the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
