I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
