i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
