there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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