i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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