even my farts smell like vagina
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
