I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize