I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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