My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
