I think I died a long time ago.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
