made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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