he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
