He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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