Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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