absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
