here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
