kristin has been a bad kristin
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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