Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
