Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
