Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize