i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
