dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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