I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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