and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
