at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
