There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
