why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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