Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
