I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
