i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
