i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
